Giving a home to a child that needs one is a great joy and a privilege, and the joy of being a family is a wonderful part of being human.


Any couple will discuss children at some point: do we want to have children, or do we prefer to remain childless? If we decide to have a family, do we want to have them naturally, or do we want to consider adoption? There are many options available today for couples, and it’s an important decision to be made during a life shared with someone else.


For any couple, having children is an expensive and time-consuming process, but for same-sex couples, it is even more so. Natural methods often don’t bring about a viable pregnancy, and this can be a very emotionally difficult time as it requires trying (and paying) over and over until success is achieved. This can then point to the joys of choosing adoption as their method of becoming a family!


Adoption is also expensive and time-consuming, but many couples choose this route, given that the natural method is not guaranteed to be successful. However, adoption comes with its own challenges. A home study needs to be conducted before the couple can move forward, and this is costly. Next, the couple contacts an adoption specialist who will refer them to an agency. There is quite a bit of paperwork to be completed throughout the process, so the prospective parents will need to be prepared for that. Some agencies are not open to same-sex adoptions, oftentimes responding that they have no experience in this area, or just not responding at all; the couple will need to work with their specialist in finding an agency that will assist them.


The birth mother may have expenses related to the pregnancy, and these will become the responsibility of the adoptive parents as well, sometimes nearing $10,000 depending on the situation. The birth mother is also allowed legally to change her mind even at the last minute, so this can be a very emotional and heart-rending time for the prospective parents, as well.


As with any adoption, the time will come when there needs to be a discussion about family dynamics and the individual family’s makeup. Telling a child they are adopted is one discussion that families will have, and with same-sex couples, it will be necessary to talk about the fact that both parents are either male or female, instead of being made up of what is often considered a tradition parental unit. This can be a delicate and difficult conversation to have, and the maturity level of the child will need to be taken into consideration before it is undertaken. Engaging the help of a spiritual advisor or secular counselor can be invaluable in this situation.


Becoming a parent is one of the most wonderful parts of life, bringing love, laughter, and joy to all of us. If it is right for your family, it is worth pursuing, no matter what.

The i am . . . just human movement was started in May 2017 by Judge Rachel and Dr. Dorsha to provoke people to step away from the labels used to define individuals.  This movement encourages people to build relationships on the foundation of unconditional love.

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